The Good Wife

Am I a good wife? I find myself pondering over this question often. The truth is, I’m trying. All the conventional wifey things like waiting for lunch, looking after his wardrobe and tolerating his tantrums apart, I want to know if I am being a supportive partner.
It’s easy to act as the victim at all times, waiting for a change-bearer. I can imagine the pressure he feels to be a good husband and a good son at the same time. Having stayed away for so long, everything is new when you are back home. I keep asking myself if there is a better way, nudge him towards a better future, make him realize the importance of discipline & dedication. Is there a safe way out?
Is it possible to be unconditional? I remind myself that I’m here for him.. I’ve left my family, my city, my home, my comfort zone to settle in his.
Why then do I have a sense of guilt about every progressive action and thought?
Is there any such thing as too much encouragement? We talk about moving forward in life. Everyday of the week. Is this the beginning of our future or a lifetime of futile dreams?
Secretly, I’m dealing with a lot. The mental transition is difficult. Everything is too different. Maybe I just don’t want to let go. Or give it a fair chance. But I have already lived here for 11 months! I did everything that was expected out of me. Quietly observed, nodded my head for everything, acted normal even in the most shocking of circumstances.
I haven’t had a proper vent for my mixed emotions. I don’t want the world to think that I have not made a good decision. Because that’s not what this turmoil is about. I’m protecting my friends and family from what the real picture here is. I don’t need pity, or sympathy even.
I need hope.

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