I have inferred one thing about myself.I am really good at masking my real character.I am good at convincing people that I am as messed up or as sorted in life as they are. A societal chameleon, if you must name my type. I am not particularly proud of being a part of this category but it has done me good far too many times for me to be offended by it. I could be a devout daughter-in-law one day, a pseudo-feminist the other.I could fit well amongst pot heads one day and also comfortably strike a conversation about the curse of alcoholism on ‘today’s generation’ with my grandmother. A hypocrite? I don’t know. I have found that unlike other fellow idealists, i don’t have the urge to force my opinion unto others. I realize that each person’s reality is different than mine. I have understood the years it takes to shape a person’s personality,belief and principles. Maybe people like me (I hope there are others) are just mediocre people. We hang in the middle of fools and geniuses, we tread the path between rebels and recluses, we stand mid-way between the classes and the masses. Or maybe we are just comfortable with ourselves.Maybe we don’t have a point to prove always. We will not start a revolution for sure.But we will also not tolerate injustice. We don’t want the whole world to change in a day.But we contribute silently by adding a ‘but granny, don’t you think it’s okay to drink wine sometimes if the doctor says it’s good for you?’ We may not stand up for every cause in the world but we understand that morality is a subjective word.
My mask has got me many friends.And fans. It has got me many well-wishers who would otherwise wish the deep dark well for any other living thing.
Has it masked my real self? For people who are not ready for it, yes. Under this flawless costume,I have retained the one true reality of my world : myself. I have tirelessly taught myself to be fair under the most pressing circumstances,I have repeated and revised every good quality that my parents imbibed, I have scrupulously separated rationality from emotion and used both to nurture my relationships. I have made decisions based on the virtue of promises made rather than conventional logic. I have learnt other people’s lessons, felt someone else’s grief, i have listened whole-heartedly and responded genuinely. For all this, I have taken special effort. Painstaking dedication.
I am not vying for the Miss Universe trophy, nor do i seek heaven.
I don’t want to live with guilt. I don’t want to come in the way of someone else achieving their goals.I don’t want to fool someone who has trusted me. I don’t want to be condescending. I WANT TO BE REAL.
Funny how the masked man asks to be treated real!
Reality is a very private truth of one’s life. If it’s flaunted,it becomes fake.If it is rigid, it loses sheen. You have to be real to yourself to be real for the world. You have to place your feet in many shoes yet you can’t expect to fit in each. Your reality is uniquely yours, appreciated only by you.
Real character is not the one you show off. And it’s not the one that you keep hidden. It’s a unique flavor that comes out in every role that you play.
A convincing actor draws inspiration from his reality. He puts his soul in every mask but it’s his real character that is his unique signature.